Lost but not Forgotten

There was silence between them then. He, at a loss for words, and her, with none to say. There was an emptiness there he could not escape and could not define. An explanation in the void he had not expected. 

Shouldn't she be sad? Or angry? She should have felt something and yet she was just . . . blank. 

He wanted to apologize, wanted to say he should never have brought the past up. When his curiousity had finally wore out this was not the answer he had anticipated. 

He stared in shock at the frozen face before him. She had spoke as though it wasn't related to her, as if it wasn't chaotistrofic to hear. But she had appeared to release herself of it. 

A piece of her life now lost so far in the shadows of her life she no longer aknowledged it's existance. She did not forget the events of her past, nor forgive, she simply no longer let it weigh down her heart. As much as the release of those memories destroyed her, they also set her free. 

There was nothing else he could say, no pity or sympathy to extend. The only words that escaped his lips were, "I understand."

Realization

Why did her face feel hot? It was nearly winter now and they had been inside for hours, she had no reason to be warm at all. Yet as she sat there at the kitchen table she couldn't help but realize the heat of her cheek as she rested her face in a hand. No matter the warmth she continued to stare, how easily the brunette rifled through those photographs. They had been sitting there for hours telling stories and exchanging names of the people in the photos. She smiled and made comments here and there but mostly just watched. One large curl fell from the haphazard bun down in front of Ki's eyes and she watched as Ki lifted a slender wrist to push the curl back behind her ear, the bracelet at her wrist making a light ling as she lifted the hand. Her earrings glinted in the light as she continued to sift through the proof of their memories. She pushed a photo towards Cho asking a question the black haired girl never heard. Her eyes were more concerned with caressing ever inch of her face. The soft turn of her cheek and the pale dimple that was only on one side of her mouth. How slowly her nose fell just below the faded smudges of leftover makeup. Her eyelashes still had some semblance of mascara on them although the eye shadow from her lids had completely disappeared. Those eyes stared back at her curiously, there mix of green and blue shifting to and fro. She sat up a little straighter as she asked what was wrong, the ample curve of her lips parting in a way that was nearly intoxicating. She couldn't help but stare as they remained parted even after her words ended. Cho was the one to smile then, her dark eyes melting into the swirl of her companion's. "I love you." She merely blinked in response before returning her words. Cho shook her head as she moved her chair closer to the other girl. She reached out to those slender wrists and held those seemingly delicate hands in her own. "No, I really love you Ki." There was silent then, lingering between them. Ki smiled, in a gentle way that belonged only to her. She laced her finger's between Cho's and softly squeezed them. "I love you too." She leaned forward until their foreheads touched, barely a graze and just a breath from kissing. Cho smiled in a way that made her heart, no her whole body fill with a warm light. That's what it was. That's what this is. Love.

Faith Lost

I have have always had faith that come what may, we would find a solution. But reality is much colder than anything the mind can predict. Sudden instances and random occurrences shatter our percept of life as we know it and throw everything into turmoil. Many seek refuge in the arms of another. But what do you do when you have no one to run to? No one to assist you out of the darkness? Some allow the shadows to consume them. Try as I might I run towards what I believe to be the light of day, but all the lights I spy are nothing more than far off candles glowing through the gloom. When the night ends I may never know, for there is no telling if I'm walking towards the outside world or farther into the twilight realm. Will I too be consumed? I pray not. I beg not. I plead not. Alone I keep walking, determined to reach the next spot of light I see. Are these far off lights, these candles in the dark, leading me towards a devia rating end? I pray not. I beg not. I plead not. All I ask for is a door. Just give me a chance at something else other than this prolonged nightmare. 

Two years

I'm a terrible blogger. Little use denying that. Every once and a while I feel this compulsory need to ramble on about things no one else cares for. It's been too long since I've written. Although the voices in my head carry on as they always have it seems the itch to write had forsaken me. Perhaps that's what fragmented words is truly about, the loss of something so simple. Forgetting who you are in the basic necessity to survive. I miss the words, the letters, the release of the world in my mind. But I feel as though the stories I have I've kept for so long they are no longer the same. Like an animal raised in captivity that no longer can survive out in the wild. 

Captivity. That's a good way of putting it. I've allowed these bars to grow around me with such little resistance. When I thought I was getting peace I was actually getting compliance.